Learning to Put Yourself First: A Raw Talk on Self-Worth

What happens when you're constantly misunderstood? When you're the reliable one everyone depends on, but you have nowhere to turn when your own energy is depleted?

In this soul-stirring episode, Jennifer and Veronica have an authentic conversation about the exhaustion that comes from constantly meeting others' needs while abandoning your own. They discuss the painful reality of being misunderstood, the pressure to appear strong when you're breaking inside, and the transformative power of setting boundaries.

Through personal stories and wisdom gained from their own journeys, they explore:
• How to recognize when you're giving too much of yourself
• Finding the small circle of people who truly understand you
• Learning to ask for help without feeling like a burden
• The importance of sitting with your pain before moving forward
• Finding strength through faith when life knocks you down

This episode is for anyone who feels drained from constantly pouring into others while neglecting themselves. It's a gentle reminder that you don't have to be the "forever energy" for everyone around you, and that true self-care begins with honoring your own needs.

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About the host:

Jennifer Beckford is the founder of the Nicholas Stewart Project, a loving mother, and a believer in the power of community development and its resilience.

For as long as she can remember, Jennifer has been passionate about helping others. Throughout her adult life, she continues to give her time in the service of helping others, even when, on occasions, it seems impossible!

Jennifer says: “I feel compelled to do at least one voluntary task each week”.


Follow us:
Facebook: @nicholasstewartproject
Facebook: @thetrumpetsounds
LinkedIn: The Nicholas Stewart Project
Instagram: @_thensp

Transcript

Jennifer:
Greetings, greetings, my friends. How are you today? We are alive despite the circumstances of life. God be praised. Wonderful evening, wonderful day. How are you today?

Veronica:
I'm doing good, Jennifer. Yes, it's another day. It's been a while—
but you understand how things go on my side, and you have yours on your side. But we’re here today, giving thanks to the Most High.
So much to catch up on, and as we did earlier, it’s good to reflect and have that chat.

Jennifer:
Yes. Today, there's this word that’s been playing on my mind for a while. A friend of mine and I were going to pray recently, and the same word came up.
This word... "misunderstood."
It’s a common word, we use it often, but she said to me, "I’m tired of being misunderstood."
That struck me—because it used to plague me too. It used to really make me sad and hurt. But I’ve come a long way since then, and I’m able to manage better now.

Veronica:
You’re right. Especially in these days, the world’s changing all the time. Even in the media, things are often misrepresented. Interviewers sometimes twist a story—they don’t truly understand the person.
But even deeper, when someone asks you to share something, even if it's scripted, we’ll always say it through the lens of our eyes, our experience.

Jennifer:
Exactly. When I think about the word misunderstood, I remember how back in the day, I was more worried about others' feelings than my own. And that hurt me. That went against my values—because I care deeply for others.

Veronica:
Yes! That used to be me too. But as I’ve grown and my spirit evolved, I’ve realized—if I’m not being mean or unkind, and someone still misunderstands me, then it’s their responsibility, as an adult, to approach me and have a deeper conversation.
Sometimes, people misunderstand you not because you’ve done something wrong, but because you’re not fulfilling their needs. And when you finally express your own needs, it creates friction. They don’t expect that.

Jennifer:
Yes! That’s so true. And sometimes, we become so focused on keeping everyone around us okay, that we abandon our own needs.

Veronica:
Absolutely. And while it’s okay to care, the mirror needs to turn back on ourselves sometimes. Because if you are the center force and everyone is taking a bit of your energy… what’s left for you?

Jennifer:
It’s true. For a long time, I felt like that—not now, but before. And it drained me.
I was doing this, doing that, trying to meet everyone’s expectations. And one day, I had to do a rain check. I said to myself, “This is not what God designed me for.”
God has given me purpose, yes—but He doesn’t expect me to ring myself dry.

Veronica:
Jennifer, are you the forever energy? The gift of giving? The tree of life that keeps producing fruit for everyone to eat?
No. That’s not sustainable. Even Jesus took time away to rest and pray.

Jennifer:
I had to really and truly talk to myself.
Even today, I was thinking, “Jennifer, what on earth are you doing?”
Yes, God has given us abilities and strength to bless and give—but all in moderation. He gives us free will, and we have to use godly wisdom to manage ourselves.
Because if we overrun, it’s just like a car. If we don’t fill up the petrol, it breaks down.

Veronica:
Can I ask you something, Jennifer?

Jennifer:
Of course.

Veronica:
How often do you ask people to meet your needs?

Jennifer:
You know what... that’s true. I have a few people I could go to, but it’s very rare. I always believe I shouldn’t be a burden to others.
I don’t feel like asking unless it’s dire.

Veronica:
Same here. I’ll exhaust everything before I ask for help. But others? They ask easily.
It’s not even pride—it’s just... I’ve become my own most reliable person.

Jennifer:
I feel that. I know what I’m capable of, and I know that if I say I’m going to do something, I try—even when I’m tired, even if I’m in pain.
If I say I’ll do it, and I don’t—it’s because I literally can’t budge.

Veronica:
Same here. Even if I’m unwell, I’ll be like, “Veronica, get out of bed. You’ve got things to do.”
I don’t even remember the last time I just rested in bed for a few days.

Jennifer:
Honestly! I’ve been running non-stop for weeks. And today I said, “I’ll rest.”
Did I rest? No.
And whose fault is that?

Veronica:
Yours.

Jennifer:
Exactly. Mine. God didn’t design us for that. He gave us 7 days, 24 hours in each, to use with wisdom.
I’ve started writing tasks down in a book—but I’m still being unrealistic! I’m packing 10 things into one day.

Veronica:
Let me ask—out of those 10 tasks, how many are actually for you and how many are for others?

Jennifer:
Sometimes… just one is for me.

Veronica:
You need to fix up, Jennifer. Big time.

Jennifer:
(Laughs) Big time, I know!
But this space—this conversation—it’s different. I feel free to speak honestly. And that’s what God wants. Honesty.
This is free will in action.

Veronica:
Exactly. I love this space too. I believe you're not judging me, and I’m not judging you. It’s just truth.

Jennifer:
And we both understand. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Both:
Be blessed.